This wasn't what I planned

The frustration of Kaden not speaking can sometimes be allot to handle, especially when I can't figure out what is wrong. I can sometimes get in a mind set of wishing I didn't know ANYTHING about Down syndrome or autism and I could just take a vacation from reality.
Down syndrome sucks sometimes.
Hey so does being a Mom PERIOD.
All three of my boys have things about them that make me want to mimic the ostrich and bury my head in the sand.

These couldn't be my bad children. The children I wanted were always clean and dressed in little adorable outfits playing in an orchard OH yeah they were also ALL girls.
So here I am Down syndrome and a pack of boys.
I can't even say "Wow this is so much better than I dreamed" because who dreams up challenges? Don't we all kind of focus on what we WANT when we dream.
I WANT to be lazy sometimes.
I want to pretend that there is nothing different about my life.
Sometimes I just want to be NORMAL.
Sometimes I think about running off and joining a circus too. They are just thoughts.
Doesn't mean I don't love my boys.
Doesn't mean I'm not happy in my life.
Just saying DAMN my life is so great and I am just thrilled to have it isn't an accurate statement. Not for me or for any other human on the planet.
So let me have my bad days and let me hate Down syndrome for a little bit without someone almost for sure saying.
Seeeeeeeeee I knew she couldn't be that happy with the hand life dealt her.
I am not a fake person. I get tired of smiling all the freakin time.

Having bad days don't mean I regret having Kaden or even wish his Down syndrome away it just means I am HUMAN.