Wonderful Speech

This essay is by Soeren Palumbo who is a senior honors student and big brother to Olivia. Last week at Fremd High School in Wheeling during Writer's Week he gave the following speech that he wrote to a gymnasium full of his high school peers and faculty and received a standing ovation.

I want to tell you a quick story before I start. I was walking through hallways, not minding my own business, listening to the conversations around me. As I passed the front door on my way to my English classroom, I heard the dialogue between two friends nearby. For reasons of privacy, I would rather not give away their race or gender. So the one girl leans to the other, pointing to the
back of a young man washing the glass panes of the front door, and says, "Oh my gaw! I think it is so cute that our school brings in the black kids from around the district to wash our windows!" The other girl looked up, widened her slanted Asian eyes and called to the window washer, easily loud enough for him to hear, "Hey, Negro! You missed a spot!" The young man did not turn around. The first girl smiled a bland smile that all white girls - hell, all white people - have and walked on. A group of Mexicans stood by and laughed that high pitch laugh that all of them have.

So now it's your turn. What do you think the black window washer did? What would you do in that situation? Do you think he turned and calmly explained the fallacies of racism and showed the girls the error of their way? That's the one thing that makes racism, or any discrimination, less powerful in my mind. No matter how biased or bigoted a comment or action may be, the guy can turn around and explain why racism is wrong and, if worst comes to worst, punch em in the face. Discrimination against those who can defend themselves, obviously, cannot survive. What would be far worse is if we discriminated against those who cannot defend themselves.

What then, could be worse than racism? Look around you and thank God that we don't live in a world that discriminates and despises those who cannot defend themselves. Thank God that every one of us in this room, in this school hates racism and sexism and by that logic discrimination in general. Thank God that every one in this institution is dedicated to the ideal of mutual respect and love
for our fellow human beings. Then pinch yourself for living in a dream. Then pinch the hypocrites sitting next to you. Then pinch the hypocrite that is you. Pinch yourself once for each time you have looked at one of your fellow human beings with a mental handicap and laughed. Pinch yourself for each and every time you denounced discrimination only to turn and hate those around you without the ability to defend themselves, the only ones around you without the
ability to defend themselves. Pinch yourself for each time you have
called someone else a "retard".

If you have been wondering about my opening story, I'll tell you that it didn't happen, not as I described it. Can you guess what I changed? No, it wasn't the focused hate on one person, and no it wasn't the slanted Asian eyes or cookie cutter features white people have or that shrill Hispanic hyena laugh (yeah, it hurts when people make assumptions about your person and use them against you doesn't it?). The girl didn't say "Hey Negro." There was no black person.
It was a mentally handicapped boy washing the windows. It was "Hey retard." I removed the word retard. I removed the word that destroys the dignity of our most innocent. I removed the single most hateful word in the entire English language.

I don't understand why we use the word; I don't think I ever will.
In such an era of political correctness, why is it that retard is still ok? Why do we allow it? Why don't we stop using the word? Maybe students can't handle stopping- I hope that offends you students, it was meant to - but I don't think the adults, here can either. Students, look at your teacher, look at every member of this faculty. I am willing to bet that every one of them would throw a fit if they heard the word faggot or nigger - hell the word Negro - used in their classroom. But how many of them would raise a finger against the word retard? How many of them have? Teachers, feel free to raise your hand or call attention to yourself through some other means if you have. That's what I thought. Clearly, this obviously isn't a problem contained within our age group.

So why am I doing this? Why do I risk being misunderstood and resented by this school's student body and staff? Because I know how much you can learn from people, all people, even - no, not even, especially - the mentally handicapped. I know this because every morning I wake up and I come downstairs and I sit across from my sister, quietly eating her cheerio's. And as I sit down she sets her spoon down on the table and she looks at me, her strawberry blonde hair hanging over her freckled face almost completely hides the question mark shaped scar above her ear from her brain surgery two Christmases ago. She looks at me and she smiles. She has a beautiful smile; it lights up her face. Her two front teeth are faintly stained from the years of intense epilepsy medication but I don't notice that anymore. I lean over to her and say, "Good morning, Olivia." She stares at me for a moment and says quickly, "Good morning, Soeren," and goes back to her cheerio's. I sit there for a minute, thinking about what to say. "What are you going to do at school today, Olivia?" She looks up again. "Gonna see Mista Bee!" she replies loudly, hugging herself slightly and looking up. Mr. B. is her gym teacher and perhaps her favorite man outside of our family on the entire planet and Olivia is thoroughly convinced that she will be having gym class every day of the week. I like to view it as wishful thinking. She finishes her cheerio's and grabs her favorite blue backpack and waits for her bus driver, Miss Debbie, who, like clockwork, arrives at our house at exactly 7'o'clock each morning. She gives me a quick hug goodbye and runs excitedly to the bus, ecstatic for another day of school. And I watch the bus disappear around the turn and I can't help but remember the jokes. The short bus. The retard rocket. No matter what she does, no matter how much she loves those around her, she will always be the butt of some immature kid's joke. She will always be the butt of some mature kid's joke. She will always be the butt of some "adult"'s joke. By no fault of her own, she will spend her entire life being stared at and judged. Despite the fact that she will never hate, never judge, never make fun of, never hurt, she will never be accepted.

That's why I'm doing this. I'm doing this because I don't think you understand how much you hurt others when you hate. And maybe you don't realize that you hate. But that's what is; your pre-emptive dismissal of them, your dehumanization of them, your mockery of them, it's nothing but another form of hate. It's more hateful than racism, more hateful than sexism, more hateful than anything. I'm doing this so that each and every one of you, student or teacher, thinks before the next time you use the word "retard", before the next time you shrug off someone else's use of the word "retard". Think of the people you hurt, both the mentally handicapped and those who love them. If you have to, think of my sister. Think about how she can find more happiness in the blowing of a bubble and watching it float away than most of will in our entire lives. Think about how she will always love everyone unconditionally. Think about how she will never hate. Then think about which one of you is "retarded".

Maybe this has become more of an issue today because society is changing, slowly, to be sure, but changing nonetheless. The mentally handicapped aren't being locked in their family's basement anymore. The mentally handicapped aren't rotting like criminals in institutions. Our fellow human beings are walking among us, attending school with us, entering the work force with us, asking for
nothing but acceptance, giving nothing but love. As we become more accepting and less hateful, more and more handicapped individuals will finally be able to participate in the society that has shunned them for so long. You will see more of them working in places you go, at Dominicks, at Jewel, at Wal-Mart. Someday, I hope more than anything, one of these people that you see will be my sister.

I want to leave you with one last thought. I didn't ask to have a mentally handicapped sister. She didn't choose to be mentally handicapped. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have learned infinitely more from her simple words and love than I have from any classroom of "higher education". I only hope that, one-day, each of you will open your hearts enough to experience true unconditional love, because that is all any of them want to give. I hope that,
someday, someone will love you as much as Olivia loves me. I hope that, someday, you will love somebody as much as I love her. I love you, Olivia.

What it means

What does Kaden having Down syndrome really mean? I mean what ways does it make things harder than what I have it with Jonathan or Evan.
Honestly DIFFERENT isn't always bad.
There are some things honest to God that Down syndrome is a walk in the park compared to.
Being a parent you go into it kinda clueless about what to expect every child is so different and takes a different aspect of your personality to parent.
People that say they "couldn't" have a child with Down syndrome; That they wouldn't know what to do... they really just lack vision and imagination.
I mean REALLY most kids just need love and a warm home, family that adore them and a sense of belonging to something.
When someone asks me what trait I value most. What do I think is most important. I always say being flexible.
Some people don't get what I am saying.
Why box yourself in or LIMIT the things that life has to teach you.
Why think that the "only good life" is the one that you always dreamed of.
I mean really you can dream all night of eating but when you wake up your still hungry because dreams don't have substance.
Dreams are only PART of what is possible.
Reality adds flair.
Down syndrome adds parts to my life that is priceless. The people I'm connected to.
The beauty I see Kaden bring out in others.

People that can't find joy in a child with Down syndrome would be hard pressed to find joy in a child period.
Children are all about the unexpected.
Children teach you that NOTHING turns out like you plan and sometimes
the most fun you have is when everything goes awry.
Children also approach life with this curiosity they seek to KNOW and learn and grow.
They don't limit themselves with what the correct way to explore the world would be.
They get into it. They take it apart they thirst to find out what joy can be found in the ordinary.
When do we loose that ability??

When do we stop wanting to learn about things we don't understand...
Does it happen when we are teenagers and think we know everything??
Some people say they "KNOW" this life isn't for them......
You can't KNOW what you have never experienced!!
There is ups and downs. Joy and Pain but at the end of the day all Down syndrome means is what you let it.
It can carry the significance as eye color or it can be the worst thing to ever happen because your life no longer fits...
How is it the older we get the dumber we become. Instead of trying force the square peg in a round hole children look for the place the square belongs thats logical right?? If we had a shape sorter in front of us we would look for where each shape belonged.
So here we are adults still trying to push that square peg in a round hole and when it wont go we whine about it.
EVERYTHING has a place.
Every person has a purpose...

Life truly is what you make it

As bad as this morning started about halfway through the day once done with my mood it hit me how silly it is to get worked up over the little things.
I sat down with my coffee (really wishing I was still a smoker) and thought about the things in my life.
Part of living authentic is doing frequent evaluations of where you are and where you are going. Sometimes my view gets to narrow and I forget to keep the perspective that I have gained through all my hard earned life lessons.
All I know is I'm overwhelmed and panicking. Its hard to be everything to three little people.
ESPECIALLY when Kaden can't tell me what is bothering him. I know my boy and I see that look in his face like "Why aren't you fixing it" and I don't know what IT is.
I don't know, but .. I am suppose to know.

Kaden after a day of the royal treatment is back to his easy going self. I still don't know what upset him I'm just glad that he's okay now.
If he's okay then I'm okay.

This wasn't what I planned

The frustration of Kaden not speaking can sometimes be allot to handle, especially when I can't figure out what is wrong. I can sometimes get in a mind set of wishing I didn't know ANYTHING about Down syndrome or autism and I could just take a vacation from reality.
Down syndrome sucks sometimes.
Hey so does being a Mom PERIOD.
All three of my boys have things about them that make me want to mimic the ostrich and bury my head in the sand.

These couldn't be my bad children. The children I wanted were always clean and dressed in little adorable outfits playing in an orchard OH yeah they were also ALL girls.
So here I am Down syndrome and a pack of boys.
I can't even say "Wow this is so much better than I dreamed" because who dreams up challenges? Don't we all kind of focus on what we WANT when we dream.
I WANT to be lazy sometimes.
I want to pretend that there is nothing different about my life.
Sometimes I just want to be NORMAL.
Sometimes I think about running off and joining a circus too. They are just thoughts.
Doesn't mean I don't love my boys.
Doesn't mean I'm not happy in my life.
Just saying DAMN my life is so great and I am just thrilled to have it isn't an accurate statement. Not for me or for any other human on the planet.
So let me have my bad days and let me hate Down syndrome for a little bit without someone almost for sure saying.
Seeeeeeeeee I knew she couldn't be that happy with the hand life dealt her.
I am not a fake person. I get tired of smiling all the freakin time.

Having bad days don't mean I regret having Kaden or even wish his Down syndrome away it just means I am HUMAN.

Joy

Kaden

This morning I woke my little man up and he crawled up on my lap buried his face in my neck and didn't want to move. (He's been mad at me for days now cause I been slacking He doesn't understand Mommy being to sick to pamper his per his usual standards)
I didn't want to put him down because Kaden's hugs are therapeutic. They can just melt the tension out of your body. Kaden's affection is the most honest and real love. He doesn't put anything on he just acts how he feels and this morning he was loving me a whole lot.
I remember when Kaden was born it will be 13 years in April. I still can't believe it has been that long.
When they laid him in my arms he wrinkled his little face up and just screamed for the longest. He looked like a broken little bird his bent little legs and hazy eyes. When I put my cheek to his though he instantly stopped crying.
I remember making deals with him. Like Kaden I promise to never give up on you if you promise not to give up on me.
I felt like many times Kaden deserved a better Mommy.
I felt many times that the best I had in me wasn't good enough.
Kaden made me fight harder to be more.
He brought out a toughness in me I didn't know was there.
One day it hit me that I was the perfect Mother for Kaden and he was the perfect son for me. We kind of "started off" together. My life begin the day he was born.
Everything I thought I knew about life was obsolete and everything I had become was the result of having and loving Kaden.
Kaden is woven into my very soul. Everything I think and feel begins and ends with him.
Imagine the simplicity. Imagine being in a moment that nothing distracts from. Kaden is a "feeler" Being deaf and blind his other senses seem way more in tune and when he connects with you it's a powerful thing because it's so centered and pure.
There is something about Holding him that takes you to a spiritual place.
I Hold him and feel this oneness with God and the universe. I feel like I know a secret most people will never understand.
I wouldn't change my little man not for anything.
What society might see as preferable. What people may see as disadvantages when you really see Kaden you start to wonder about the things that are missing inside of you. Does that extra chromosome give you this ability to feel stronger. Make your laugh deeper. Let you really FEEL what it means to be alive. Does it let you slow down in a world where everything is rushed. Does it take away the barriers to being authentic. It just makes sense when you know Kaden to think he is evolved beyond typical understanding that he exists on this higher plane of being. I never fail to be in awe of the magic of this tiny precious boy.

You see him

Inseperatable from myself
My future there defined
Oh it may be different
but its precious and it's mine
There is no hurt like thinking
my everythings not seen
I hold back so much
to protect my tiny bean
To see through your eyes
and know there was no fear
to see understanding
and amusement there
Oh had I never loved you
I know I would have fell
the minute I saw your eyes
and his value you could tell.

Happy Birthday Kaden!!!!! April 29th

Mommy Loves you Mighty Man!